Grateful to BE

You can live as if your whole life is a burden.  I've done that.  My early twenties were rough. I wouldn't recommend living that way, but you can. It's been done.

You can live as if your whole life is a blessing.  Mine is.  I often say  that I am the luckiest person I know, and I'm not exaggerating.  Often I say that I'm lucky because I KNOW my fortune. I'm lucky because I have the gift of appreciation.

Feeling grateful to be alive, at the Past is Present Reception

Some of that appreciation comes from the memory of darker days.  For example, as a child I was very, very clingy. I didn't know how to keep friends, so I was very possessive of those poor kind souls who reached out to me.  It set a vicious cycle of losing friendship and clinging even more grippingly to the next "friend" to come along.  Now, I may not be the ideal friend (I'm as kooky as the next person), but I have learned more about the give and take of friendship.

I haven't forgotten all those lonely evenings when I used to lean my head against the cold passenger window of our car while Dad was driving us home from visits to grandparents.  I would lean against the window and wish on the first star, "I wish I could find a real friend."

Today, I am blessed with friendship.  But I APPRECIATE those friendships so much more because of all the time I spent alone.

This is central to my story for today.

Today, in Auschwitz, I realized how close I was to not ever having been born.
I realized how close I was to never having had the possibility to have life, because so many people were killed in the land of my forefathers.
I realized how close I was to not having a grandfather, and thus not having me.  There were so many Bengelsdorfs from the area where Papa was born...so many of them listed in the Book of the Dead.

This hit me profoundly.  And instead of crying, I found myself humming.
My Dad and I have a beautiful habit of humming when we are nervous or just contemplating something big.
I found myself humming, and stopped to hear what song was helping me process the unthinkable.
It was a joyous song about Miriam dancing with her timbrels after crossing the Red Sea to liberty.

On one level, I criticized myself for not having a more thoughtful song jump into my head.
But on a much deeper level, I just felt so deeply alive.
Isn't that what it's all about?

This evening, I went to a big reception for this Past is Present event.  There were over a hundred survivors with their companions, and there were music, speeches, and time for conversation.  I saw a few of my colleague friends "shmoozing" with a jolly survivor, and I joined the conversation.

I really mean jolly.  Manny Buchman had a twinkle in his eye (most of the time) and you could see his spunk.   We started on the surface in a conversation but then went deep down into the pit of why we are all here.

His granddaughter joined us and was very concerned that he hadn't changed out of his sweat suit before meeting with us.  He was so vivacious that nobody noticed if he was "dressed smart" or not.

This is some of his story:

He basically held off getting caught during the Holocaust by hiding in plain sight, refusing to wear the Jewish badge, and just living on the run from town to town so nobody would recognize him.  He was "fortunate" because his Hungarian/Ukrainian border identity card didn't have his nationality on it. One time, a Nazi questioned him about it, and with full Chutzpah, he said "I don't know why it's not there, but frankly, it doesn't matter if you get late to work, but if I get late to work, I'll lose my job, so Heil Hitler." and he was let go.    But by 1944 bad luck caught up with him and he ended up in a concentration camp (not Auschwitz.)   He was liberated by the Americans and given new clothes right away, for which he was very grateful.

He went back to his town (they provided him with a bicycle) and he found that most people had died.  He found that a kindergarten sweetheart had survived Auschwitz, though, and 59 years later, they are still married, with kids, grandkids, and a great grandchild.

He went to Auschwitz for the first time today. For him it was an act of honoring his parents.  They died there. He needed to visit it.  His wife, who lived there, did not.

One of the guys on our trip is a convert to Islam named Keith. He and I hung out last night. He lives in North Carolina and it sounds like he was in a rough crowd before he found religion.  Keith was with me for this interview. 

Mr. Buchman spoke about hatred, and not understanding.  "Why did they hate us? What did I do wrong? I was just born. I was born a Jew-- is that so bad?  And why is there so much hate to so many people, just for how they are born?"

Keith let out his religion.  And they started speaking more...about the Israel issue...and about the fact that if they two can be friends, can't everyone!

Thank you, Mr. Buchman, for your lesson about love and acceptance.

Then, there were some powerful speeches and beautiful music.  

I can't write it all down now, and I will need a life time to process everything.
But,  I want to end this post with  the words of Ronald Lauder, president of the World Jewish Congress.

"You know what happens when evil takes hold and good people look the other way.

We can never understand what you were forced to endure. We can only speculate.

Only you know the horrible truth, but we know that the way you chose to live your life 

after you were liberated is a lesson in human dignity.

You lived without retribution. You refused to live the life of a victim.

You had a resolve to leave this place the build new lives with family and children and grandchildren.

This took immense courage.

And, what is most important in our culture: you concentrated on life.  

Others wanted you dead, but you created life.

You are the true evidence of the forces of light over darkness.

You inspire us.

Human beings cannot always determine the experiences that befall them, 

but they can determine how they react when those circumstances occur."

What role does gratitude play in your life?

How do you choose to react when negative experiences occur?