Life Lessons from My Mother, Barbara Bengels

In honor of her 72nd birthday....

1. When traveling with kids, plan for kids. Make sure there is some kind of water play every day. You can only do so many museums. Leave something undone; you will want a reason to come back.

2. You are never too old for a read-aloud. Even if you read chapter books and The Wizard of EarthSea is better read in your head, there is nothing like sharing a beloved book with someone you love. Especially if that book is Horton. (Note: All bets are off if the book is Hiawatha.)

3. Don't let being shy hold you back. Make friends with the West Side Story cast. Write letters to science fiction authors. Speak up at Board of Education meetings. Do what you believe in.

4. Make your house be a place the teenage kids want to bring their friends. Woo said friends with ice cream parties. It is much safer to know where your cherubs are than to wonder where they may be. Understand that sometimes you aren't parenting only your own kids; you are there to mentor their friends, too (often for a lifetime!)

5. Sometimes you have to be a little competitive...especially in Canasta. Tally up your wins. Gloat a little. Send articles in to the newspaper (ok, not about canasta...). Take part in multiple games of Words with Friends and endless rounds of QuizUp. But never lose your sense of fun.

6. Snail mail is not dead. Hand written thank you cards and birthday letters are an enduring work of art and a meaningful way to connect with people. Newspaper and magazine clippings make a fun treat to come home to. Adorable stationery and stickers are an added bonus.

7. You don't have to love all the same things as your spouse, but you have to love your spouse. He may love nature, you may hold bugs and snakes in disdain... But you can sew in the car while he takes walks on the beach with your daughters. He may love classical music and you may love Broadway, but together you can still average three performances a week.

8. Sharing food is a way of showing love. Steinman genes say to plan your food in advance and enjoy it. Mom kindness means sometimes making three different meals for three different family members. It is worth the pleasure of sitting with your family at mealtime, enjoying their company... And it is also nice to sit alone, eating garlicky salad in splendid Peace and Quiet. Artichokes are the best communal food, and olives are meant to be snacked on during meal preparation. Heartbreaks are best handled outside of Irresistibles (at the old Petit Mall section of Roosevelt Field) with mint chip ice cream. 

9. Be with your kids when they are growing up, because it goes too fast. Enjoy those carpool rides; you never know what you will learn from the kids as they chat in the back of the car. Talk to young children, even when they don't talk back to you yet....they will! Take photos and put them in albums. Write stories about them. Don't worry about having the neatest house; aim to have the happiest one.

10. Sometimes you just need to laugh. Chat with friends on the phone and gain the perspective you need. Have Barbar laughing fits. Make the persnickety child search for car paintings in the Louvre (where there are only old paintings.) Pretend you are clairvoyant when you know the results of a recorded baseball game. Understand that some things are simply not in your control and you just need to laugh!

Bonus:
Don't tell your children to "Do your best." Encourage them to "Do your best at what matters."
My mom does the best job at parenting, despite all the humility we put her through. She knows that being a mom matters and she shows us that we matter by being her daughters (and grandchildren, and puppies and cats and grandkitties and friends and students....)