Personal Statement-- a big life change ahead!

Personal Statement: Emily Bengels

There is a scene in the children’s movie, Rise of the Guardians, when Santa Claus shows Jack Frost a matryushka doll and poses a crucial question: what is your center?  What is the personality trait at your very core? The fun-loving, ice-skating Jack Frost has no idea, and spends the storyline figuring out who he really is.  When I watched this film a few years back, I immediately knew what my center is: dedication.  What I began to ponder, however, is if that center made me a healthier and happier person.

For years, I have understood the Jewish folktale of the lamed-vavniks, the 36 people who might hold the world together at any point.  In most organizations, there are a few people who carry the bulk of the work.  When I listened to the fictional Santa’s question, I knew that I spent my days leading musical theater, organizing youth groups, contacting congressmen, volunteering with the elderly and simply doing whatever I could “because I believed in it.”  However, it was the image of matryushka dolls that made me wonder if excessive dedication led to resentment and aloneness. I knew I was proud of my accomplishments, the side products of dedication, but what if I could keep my dedication and grow a stronger kernel for my inner core?  I began to ponder what that was.

That July, I was walking along the rambla in Montevideo. It was chillingly cold; winter in Uruguay does not come with heating, and my packing list for the Fulbright Teacher Exchange didn’t warn me about the winter mist.  Suddenly, I came upon a monument for the one Uruguayan national who was a victim of the Holocaust: Ana Balog, a girl who was visiting Hungary when she was taken to her murder in Auschwitz.  An emotional chill overtook me, and then a warmth of gratitude.  Thank goodness that I can travel where I want now.  Thank goodness that I don’t worry about who will hide me, or who I will have to hide, if the Nazis invade my country.  Thank goodness I can buy a jacket and eat a fresh meal and travel home to my family.  Thank goodness my grandparents made it to the United States on the eve of the war.

Appreciation has served me strongly as a center and guiding force ever since that day.  When a swastika was painted on my house the following year, I was horrified and enraged, and then so relieved that I live in a society where it is considered wrong.  I used my dedication to help retrain police officers about multicultural responses, and I used my intellect to try to make sense of the hatred.  In the end, I kept dancing in this circle of thanks, effort, and outrage.  Thank you for keeping me safe.  Let me make the world better.  How can this be?

With the shelter of gratitude, I gradually shifted into perceiving myself as a peace activist and a Holocaust scholar.  The USC Shoah Foundation provided me with a grant to attend their Past is Present seminar at the 70th Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz.  I met with so many survivors and began to perceive myself as a torchbearer of their stories, a keeper of the memory.  However, I also realized that there are serious gaps of marginalization, fear and hatred in our society today.  It isn’t enough to be grateful for the trust; I must use my dedication to act.  Consequently, I applied for and became a TEACH Fellow with the US - Arab Bilateral Chamber of Commerce.  Meeting with colleagues in Bahrain, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates, I realized how crucial it is to work for peace and understanding today.  My recent Yad Vashem grant to explore Echoes and Reflections at an advanced level in Israel only furthered my resolve.

          I have completed two masters degrees, in Language Education and Gifted Education, but until now, I have never seen a need to pursue a doctorate.  As a teacher in a local school system, sometimes too much education makes administrators feel threatened.  Besides, up to this point, I have been more of a dedicated generalist.  My shift into a Holocaust scholar has changed all of this.  I want to learn more about spiritual resistance in hard times.  The people of Le Chambon give me hope for humanity.  Janusz Korczak and Premysl Pitter inspire me as a teacher and as a human being.  I want to know what makes some people have the strength to make the world better, “af al pi”, even though there is so much hardship.   I want to be empowered to keep their stories alive and make my peaceful and articulate impact on the world, too.  It is for this reason, with dedication and gratitude (and so much more!) that I am ready and eager to begin my doctorate at Gratz College in the field of Holocaust and Genocide Studies.